Another army of man children has also ravaged the entire East Valley with their gigantic sandbox toys – lifesized Tonka® Trucks, bright yellow Tonka® Tractors, and heavy earth-moving equipment given to them to play with all day long. The havoc they wreck is hard to describe as they tear apart north/south and east/west arteries of the valley without any rhyme or reason – just to move the earth about day after day and line up their pretty plastic orange candy stripped cones in various weird configurations that have little to do with traffic flow or logical routing. For 6 years I have watched them dig and fill, dig and scrape, dig and destroy what they dug up last year. It's a gigantic scam – they get paid to play in the dirt on a grand scale. Nothing is ever completed! And the press complains about the waste of taxpayer money in Afghanistan due to unscrupulous contractors who take the money and never get anything done with it. How is this working for us here in America? Does it matter if the road was blown up by a bomb or by a civilian contractor gone amuck?
It's enough to drive anyone crazy – and worse when you are almost 65 and you listen to these ignoramous politicians over the radio while you are navigating the newest mess that the traffice man children have created. The elected dummies are now figuring out how they can deprive senior citizens of our licenses to drive by claiming that WE ARE MENTALLY IMPAIRED! or WE ARE SLOW! They convened a commission of the Traffic and Safety Administration directed by the President to set up the machinery that will be necessary to vacate our voices from the land, and get us out of the “tea parties” and back in front of the mind numbing TV's where we belong. Better yet, if they can keep us away from our doctors, we will die faster – and they won't have to shell out our social security money that they illegally borrowed for their “general fund” without asking us.
As I crawl along at 25 MPH because of some cones put out for absolutely no reason except to drive people mad – I hear this newest proposal to cut back expenditures: the special Presidential commission recommends that the Federal Government raise the retirement age to 70 or 75 so no one will be able to collect social security or qualify for Medicare. But hey! Wait a minute! If they take our driving licenses at 65 but force us to work until we are 75 – HOW IN GOD'S NAME ARE WE SUPPOSED TO GET TO WORK!? !@#$%^^&*( F! (and they claim SENIORS are mentally slow!)
That's it! That is all I can take. I am turning around and heading for the airport to rally millions of pissed off seniors who haven't had sex in a decade – and we are all going through the security check points at Sky Harbor Airport yelling Allah Hu Akbar so that the “pat down” will be mandatory. Support hose tossed aside, false teeth into the tray, and little blue viagra pills confiscated as illegal drugs, and the shoe orthotics torn to shreds looking for metal knives. Preparation H® tubes all punctured by the TSA people looking for plastik. Depends® lying on the floor in lustful anticipation of “THE SEARCH” . But we have to look on the bright side: at least we get a free grope for our tax dollars.
From across the entrance to Security, Mildred yells out: “I want that big healthy looking fellow over there. If he doesn't pat me down now, I am going to activate my whoopi cushion!”
Ethel and Eloise are arguing about who gets into the cubicle first. “I can't stand up much longer without my walking cane,” Ethel says.
“So lie down on the conveyor belt. What can they do about it?” Eloise grins. “ Oh, look, there's Jerry from Community Bingo. He's trying to get a volunteer sign up sheet going – he says that Tuesday mornings and Thursday evenings are still open. It's a government volunteer TSA job for those who would rather be the groper than the gropee. It's going to save the government millions of dollars because so many seniors are volunteering. They said we can ride the airport shuttle free to work and back. You coming, Ethel? Now we don't have to worry about retirement anymore. Obama is such a smart man! I bought the new flowered scented Depends® and Rose decorated her walker with silk flowers. Finally the government got it right! Free touching – almost as good as a hug.”
By the way, does anyone know what the acceptable tip is to a TSA groper?